A perfect end to a perfect day.  It’s 75 degrees at dusk with few mosquitoes.  My tweens are teaching their 6 year old sister how to rollerskate.  A great self-esteem booster for all of them.  The 6 year old learns a new skill and the tweens get to experience the feeling of competence.

Tweens may not realize how capable they are because they are surrounded by adults who, intentionally or unintentionally, remind them of their shortcomings.  Phrases like,  “What were you thinking?”  “How many times do I have to tell you?”  “You’re so forgetful.”, break down self-esteem.  Tweens need to hear more of what they do right and less of how they fail to measure up to the lofty expectations of adults.

Parents, you can help a tween to feel capable by finding opporunities for him to teach YOU something.  There is great reward for the young ones when they get to enlighten the elders.  Recently, my husband and son were watching one of their favorite fishing shows.  When my husband asked aloud to no one in particular, “What does that word mean?”, my son nearly jumped out of his seat with excitement.  “Dad, you really don’t know?!  I know!  I’ll tell you….” The glow in my son’s eyes was stunning.  He was brimming with pride when he ran to tell me, “Mom, mom!  I taught Dad something about fishing that he didn’t know.  He really didn’t know and I did!”  I was more than willing to reinforce his pride: “You’re smarter than you realize.”

A child who feels capable has a sense of control over his life.  Because he feels competent, he is more willing to take on new challenges.  Conquering a challenge helps him to feel capable.  And the cycle continues…..