Every interaction is an opportunity to enhance or detract from a child’s self-esteem.  Last night I was reminded of this fact during an emergency veterinary visit. 

As is often the case, crisis strikes at the most inopportune times.  You know the scene: first day back to school after the final summer weekend, husband away on business, mom trying to get dinner in the oven while tending to 3 exhausted children and one very sick dog named Rex.  At first I took it in stride.  Having had Labradors for many years, I’m well-versed in the ‘eat anything you find’ mentality of the breed.  But I’ve never had a dog destroy 4 rugs in 2 hours because he couldn’t make it to the backyard.  I’ll spare the details that I gave to the vet.  Suffice it to say, I wasn’t surprised when we were told to come to the office right away.

Shifting gears, I launched into survival mode – casting out marching orders like a veteran military mom.  I was surprised at how smoothly all three children responded to a sudden and dramatic shift.  My tween son, who considers this dog to be “the brother he’ll never have,” insisted on accompanying me to the vet and skipping dinner (for now).  My almost-teen daughter confidently took over the role of dinner prep and sitter for her 6 year old sister.  When I called to check in, she was completing the bedtime routine and administering ear drops as directed.

Meanwhile, back at the vet….we waited with our very lethargic dog for test results .  I had plenty of time to reflect on the situation during our 2 hour stay.  Here’s what I observed:

• 10 year old boys have an amazing capacity for tenderness and empathy.  The right kind of crisis can bring it out, giving a parent an opportunity to reinforce emotional intelligence with positive feedback.
• The same tween boy who is naturally energetic and impatient can sit for extended periods when he is focused on the comfort of a loved one. 
• Tween girls are incredibly capable and willing family members who do not need to be bribed to be responsible and helpful.
• Pre-tweens are good to keep around.  Their blissful ignorance lightens any crisis.

In short, each of my children rose to the occasion in his/her own way, easing the pain of one beloved family member.  Rex is back home today resting comfortably with a less-than-life-threatening diagnosis.  And I am taking the opportunity to congratulate my children on their participation.  Children need to be reminded of how competent they are.  You can’t give self-esteem to a child, but you can acknowledge the situations that add to it.  Overcoming a challenge is the perfect opportunity for parents to notice a child’s unique contributions, thereby raising his self-esteem.