Baseball is a stressful sport.

We’re at the start of a comparatively low-key fall youth baseball season.  But already players and parents are edgy.  The pressure seen on the field is rivaled only by the tension found in the faces of otherwise level-headed parents.  Those who would encourage someone else’s son despite his errors and strikeouts, can be heard chastising their own boy for the same performance.  “Wake up – you should have had that ball.”  At the very least, they huff and puff and mutter disbelief in hushed tones – just loud enough for fellow parents to hear (lest we get the idea that this sup-par performance is acceptable or typical.) 

Even boys whose parents are overtly supportive are likely to experience tremendous pressure.  What boy can remain calm when all eyes are watching and scrutinizing his every move?  What kind of boy excels when asked to stand in one spot for an extended time, stay focused on a ball or batter who may or may not come anywhere hear him, and be ready to react with lightning speed when suddenly called for?  What can be done for a young pitcher with a look of agony on his face as he walks his third opponent?  In years past, these same boys would break down in tears.  Now they stifle their disappointment because they feel too old to cry.  Where do the tears go?

Amidst this painful minor league scene, I am relieved and proud to notice the quality coaching my son receives.  His coach’s steady nature is a pillar of strength for the boys.  Coach T. manages to slide feedback for improvement between layers of encouragement.  “You’re a great batter, B.  Try choking up on the bat.  That’s the way!”  Without any formal training in self-esteem or elementary education, this beloved coach nails it!

Tips for giving feedback while boosting self-esteem

1.  Sandwich tips for improvement between two affirming statements.

2. Eliminate the word “I” in order to focus on the child’s accomplishment instead of your assessment of it.  Instead of, “I’m proud of you.” say, “You can be proud of yourself.”

3.  Focus on effort and self-assessment more than success.  Ask a player to give you an honest rating of his effort – “How much did you give today?  100%?  50%? What did you do well?”

Many parents are afraid of over-praising children.  They have good reason.  These days we seem to live in a world where every child gets a trophy regardless of his performance.  When a child is over-praised he is in danger of thinking that everything he touches turns to gold.  But if we feed him a balanced diet of encouragement sandwiches as outline above, he is likely to form a realistic sense of his capabilities while feeling motivated toward self-improvement.