Yesterday I was treated to a performance by tween and teen guitarists.  The instructor refused to call it a recital because it sounded ‘too formal.’   He also told his students to ‘wear what you’re comfortable in.’  Even though this was our first guitar recital, I should have guessed that this would not be the kind of event I’m used to.

After 10 years of performing in piano recitals as a kid, and attending 7 years of the same with my daughter, I was familiar with the more serious, formal kind of event usually held in a church.    I hadn’t considered the variety of differences the two instruments attracted.  For starters, my daughter was the only girl performing in this particular group of creative young people.  She was not, however, the only student with a ponytail.  Nor was she out of place in her black T-shirt and jeans.  One guitarist earned my vote for ‘most relaxed’ as he performed in his stocking feet.

Lest you mistake my shock for disapproval, let me tell you that I’ve never been a fan of conformity or convention.  Thus, I had a blast!  Rocking out to songs of my college days like Aerosmith, Iron Maiden, and yes, Bach, I wore a grin from ear to ear.  But the most thrilling aspect of the event was witnessing the courage in these young musicians.

The instructor said it best: “The level of confidence required for this venue simply can’t be achieved by playing guitar in one’s bedroom.”  Indeed!  Confidence can only be achieved through accepted challenges - not from coasting in the comfort zone.  When I asked my daughter what would calm her pre-performance jitters, she wisely replied, “Nothing.  I think sometimes you just have to go with it.”   High self-esteem does not solely belong to those who have conquered their nerves.  Self-esteem is gained by anyone who accepts a challenge – nervous or not – and lives to tell about it.

Positive risks for tweens and teens:

1. join a club
2. reach out to a new friend
3. physical challenges like rock climbing
4. running for student council
5. volunteering

Trying is worth celebrating.  Tweens and teens need to know that.  They need to hear that they deserve to be proud of themselves with or without a successful outcome.  Healthy self-esteem is nourished by both failure and success if positioned right.  When a child receives encouragement for positive risk-taking, she’ll want to repeat her efforts.  Eventually she’s likely to succeed.  But even if she’s disappointed in an outcome, she will be privy to the sense of satisfaction and capability reserved for those who have gotten up more times than they’ve fallen.  She’ll pocket this feeling until the next challenge arises.  When it does, she’s likely to respond with an increasingly hearty, “Bring it on!”