Chicken Little believed the sky was falling.  Because he believed it, he saw signs of danger everywhere.  The belief in his head projected itself into his experiences.  Like Chicken Little, we can tell ourselves convincing sotries that supercede sound judgment. 

For better or for worse, our beliefs have the final word.  If a friend tells me I’m ugly and I believe her, I suffer.  I may begin to look for evidence to support this belief. Sometimes I challenge others to disagree with my self-depracating remarks.  No matter what their response is, I easily fabricate inaccurate meanings and intentions from them, thereby strengthening the belief in my own ugliness.

On the other hand, if I strongly believe that I am pretty, I carry on unscathed by the opinions of others.  When my belief in my self-worth is solid, it’s as if my would-be bullies are speaking a different language.   They might as well have told me I was purple with green polka dots. 

If only it were that easy.

Upon entering adolescence, a girl becomes aware that the world can have very harsh judgments of her.  Often, she will favor the beliefs and opinions of others over her own without a second thought.  How can we help tweens and teens hold onto a positive view of themselves?

Strategies to boost self-image

• Enlist adult friends in “Operation Feel Good.”  Compliments may feel more authentic coming from adults outside the family.
• Hold her accountable for her self-talk.  When you catch a tween degrading herself, ask, “Is that really true?”
• Share your own positive vision of your daughter.  Start with “I see a girl who….”  This practice gives both of you an image to refer to when challenging circumstances arise.

Self-criticism is a runaway train and must be cut off before it crashes.  If adult role models intend to transform destructive beliefs, they need to insist on the development of self-acceptance in themselves and the young people they care for.  According to an old African proverb, “If there is no enemy within, there can be no enemy without.”