This Thanksgiving my family started a new tradition.  At dinner, each family member had a turn telling a story about a family member who was no longer with us.  At first I was afraid that the conversation about our deceased loved ones would turn melancholy.  But it was quite the opposite. 

I watched the faces of those telling stories and those who listened.  In each face I saw the love that arose from poignant memories.  Even the little ones – especially the little ones – who never had a chance to meet the family member, were captivated with interest.  Stories flowed, smiles followed, and joy made it’s place at our table.

Later that night my tween daughter told me what a great time she had at dinner, learning about family.  She said, “I’ve never heard about some of those people – my relatives – and it helps me to understand.”  Only then did I realize that this exercise related to self-esteem.

Accoridng to Dr. Michele Borba, there are 5 building blocks of self-esteem.  http://bit.ly/4ClqL1  As described by Dr. Borba, the third building block is affiliation, or sense of belonging.  “A feeling of  acceptance, or relatedness, particularly in relationships that are considered important.”  Being part of a family is one of the most important relationships a child can have.  When a child can see that she is a unique part of a larger unit, she feels more secure in her role.  She simultaneously sees her own identity and that of her relations as acting separately and together.

Tweens and teens have a strong desire to fit in – especially with peers.  While the notion of fitting in at all costs should be discouraged, the natural and developmentally appropriate tendency toward inclusion in a group should not.  It is through our relationships with others that we get to know ourselves.

Traditions of all kinds are great esteem builders.  Traditions are something a child can look forward to and rely on – lending comfort and security to an ever-changing existence.  What are some of the traditions you share with your family?