My then-two year old daughter staged a tantrum of mammoth proportions.  She growled and screamed and kicked.  Her words were angry and loud.  I felt her frustration and wondered why mine wasn’t rising to meet hers.

A question popped into my head, “What do I need most when I’m out of control?”  The answer: Love.  When I’m at my worst, I want to know that I’m still lovable.  I want people to separate the doer from the deed; to detach me from my current behavior.  Let me explode and love me anyway.

My daughter glared at me with hands on hips and said, “I’m MAD at you!”  I smiled back at her, not with contempt but with compassion, and said, “It’s ok.  I still love you anyway.”  Instantly, the tantrum ended.  Her whole body softened as the venom inside of her dissipated.  Magically, as if nothing had happened, she said, “I still love you anyway too.”

This powerful lesson has stayed with me for years, reminding me of the need to give what often seems underserved – love.  The times we are being hateful are the times we need the most love.

We all veer off onto the rumble strip of life at times.  We get lazy or distracted from the road ahead.  We take our standards of conduct off-road and ride the bumpy terrain, often enjoying the thrill of bucking the norm.  But it’s rough driving out there.  Eventually we need to bring ourselves back to the center of the road.

At any moment we can turn the wheel and change who we are for who we want to be.  The next time you or a loved one drift off center, say, “I love you anyway,”  and watch what happens.

Q&A (Questions and Actions)

• What throws you/your children off center?
• Can you imagine separating the doer from the deed and treating her kindly despite her hatefulness?
• Just for today, give love in the face of anger.

Approximately 2.5 million people watched adorable Jessica’s ‘Daily Affirmation’ dance.  Jessica is 12 now and having an “I like myself and I can do it” life experience according to various interviews. 

Anyone can harness this joy.  Start talking back to that inner critic and do an affirmation dance of your own.  Mirror work is powerful.  Look yourself right in the eyes today and tell yourself how wonderful you are.  Smile at yourself.  You deserve your own best opinion. 

This video is for all ages.  Enjoy!

My tween is learning the challenge of honoring a committment.  And I am challenged by his resistance to it.  Old fashioned values would dictate that he play out his baseball season despite a loss of enthusiasm.  He made a committment to the team, after all.  I subscribe to this value even though the path of least resistance – quitting – is so appealing.

Instilling values is perhaps the most challenging part of parenthood.  How does one convince a child to deem an idea as important?  Doesn’t each person decide for himself?

After many heated discussions and failed attempts at persuasion, my son remains staunchly opposed to embracing the value of committment.  Instead of perpetuating the power struggle, I agree to disagree and abandon further discussion.  In doing so, I free up my mind for the wisdom of empathy.  I, too, struggle with committments I’ve made to myself and others.  For example, attendance at meetings, fitness workouts, and hastily-made promises.  Despite my inner struggle, I persist.  Because my parents had the fortitude to instill in me the value of honoring committment, I own it.

I forget that it wasn’t any easier for them than it is for me as a parent.  I voiced my share of disapproval for my parents’ methods.  Though I don’t remember wearing them down, I’m certain they pulled out a hair or two in frustration over my childish attitude.

I tell my son that I’m sorry for the pain this is causing him.  I also decide that I will let him rant and rave to his heart’s content; and I will not respond.  I have nothing new to say, no change of mind.  The negative energy over this issue belongs to him now, not me.  He can try to give it to me, but I will not accept it.  We both have choices.

Q&A (Questions and Actions)

• What values do you want to share with your children?  Are they worth fighting over?
• What values do you hold onto that are outdated?
• What power struggles can you release?
• Just for today, choose to live in harmony with your family by releasing your attahcment to shared values.

If you’re interested in the topic of cyberbullying and like to keep on top of the trends in order to protect your tweens and teens, please follow this link to an article by Rachel Simmons.  It outlines a perverse new website that you should be aware of. 

http://www.tweenparent.com/articles/view/249

• What songs inspire you?  Why?
• Try picking a theme song for yourself.  When you’re feeling low, sing it out loud like you mean it!